Kelly and the Angel II

It is time.  I know it is.  Not only do I know it in my heart but God has been telling me for a very long time, but it is hard. Hard to let go. It has been a part of my life for what seems like on eternity but really only 7 years. 

I am not talking about a child, or a pet or anything so important as that, but a business.   Kelly and the Angel was my first true business that I loved doing.  I like the name, I like the product yet, It's time has come and I have known this which is why I have closed bits and pieces of different parts of the business but not everything.

I am not making money at it anymore.  In fact, with the website, inventory and such, it is costing me more to keep it open than if it was closed.   I am a good business woman and I know it is bad business to keep it running.  I have started a new business that is successful (ok maybe I would be even more successful if I focused on it even more) yet I haven't.

It is the fear.  The fear of letting go.  The fear of new possibilities of not only failure but could it possibly be, maybe, an even greater success with the new venture?  Don't get me wrong, I like my "new" business.   Love it in fact.  I get to write blogs on subjects I know what I am talking about.   I get to speak in front of people about decluttering and spirituality.    People even tell me that I impact their lives for the better.

So why.........?  Because I feel sad, scared, lost.  I feel like I am losing an old friend.  I have never been a quitter and I feel like one.  

Then I came across this quote:

Letting go of your old self and the process of letting the new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming. -unknown

I will let go.    I will grieve.  I will heal.  I will carry on....

I will do it after the holidays.

I will do it when the kids get out of school.

I will do it when the homework is done.

I will do it after I finish cleaning.

I will do it when I lose some weight.

I will do it after I walk the dogs.

I will do it after the rain stops.

I will do it when it is raining.

I will do it when I have some free time.

I will do it when the kids are older.

I will do it when the kids are in school.

I will do it before we go on vacation.

I will do it when we get back from vacation.

No I am serious….

I will do it tomorrow.

A Scottish minister of a previous generation recounted a dream to his congregation. He dreamed he had died and came to the Pearly Gates. To his dismay, he was denied entrance until he presented his credentials. Proudly the pastor articulated the number of sermons preached and the prominent pulpits occupied. But Saint Peter said no one had heard them in heaven. The discouraged servant enumerated his community involvement. He was told they were not recorded. Sorrowfully, the pastor turned to leave, when Peter said, "Stay a moment, and tell me, are you the man who fed the sparrows?"
"Yes," the Scotsman replied, "but what does that have to do with it?"
"Come in," said Saint Peter, "the Master of the sparrows wants to thank you."
Here is the pertinent, though often overlooked, point: great and prominent positions indicate skill and capacity, but small services suggest the depth of one's consecration.

-- Jones, G. Curtis

We have three children, and they all were in a dance recital yesterday. An interesting thing happened through the whole recital. As we followed along during the program, waiting for the time when our children would come on stage, Joseph would start sweating and would ask me if they knew the routine. Each time, I would smile and say “yes”, but he would be tense until after they finished.

It was a complete source of amusement for me, seeing this level of discomfort emanating from him. To know my husband, this is a rare side of him. So much so, that even after fourteen years of marriage is startling for me to see. He is known for being bigger than life, strong, a bit on the arrogant side and unflappable. Here was this 6 foot 1 guy nervous and not in control. That is when it hit me. THAT WAS IT. He was not in control of what his children were doing and it made him nervous. He wanted them to succeed and be successful and for one of the first times in his life he couldn’t help them. They had to do it all by themselves. Succeed or fail, it was on them.

I leaned over at one point and whispered to him, “You have to let go, and enjoy the dance”. He couldn’t do it. Do not get me wrong. Joseph loved watching his children dance. You could tell how proud he was of them, but it was overshadowed by his stress and fear.

The more I contemplated on his reaction I asked myself “Do we all, as parents do this? Do we stress out when our children need to do something on their own and are in a position to take responsibility for their actions? Do we then try and take over for them, thinking we know best? As parents, there does come a point in our children’s lives that we have to “let go” and watch them do their dance.   We certainly cannot dance it for them.  We may not like what they are doing, and we may think that we are able to do it better or wiser; Yet if we constantly live THEIR lives for them, than what happens to not only their lives but ours? How can you follow a path that is not your own?

We must let go because we are doing a complete injustice to our children's lives if we do not.

Letting go hurts. Letting go is scary; for both the parent and the child. Yet we must. If we do not, they will not be able to learn their life lessons and you will not be able to complete your own journey to your fullest potential.

For example, how is your child going to prioritize whether or not they should pay an electric bill or purchase a much “wanted” piece of clothing if every time, a bill arrives that they cannot pay, you give them money for it (because they opted for the clothing). If this continues you will start to resent the fact that your child is dressed better than you and they will never learn the consequences for not paying a bill.

Love your children unconditionally as people.  

Let them hurt,

let them be happy,

let them be sad,

let them be afraid

for by doing all of this, you will be letting them live!

Peace to you

Kelly

 I have received numerous emails from many, asking "where is the new blog"....One of my friends in particular is always asking (thanks for the positive pressure mb :) when I will be posting something new.

Every day, I have a reason. I believe that I have the best excuses in the book as to why I do not find the time to write and here are just a few of mine:

1. First I am intensely busy with end of the year "stuff" with my kids.

2. I have also "re-opened" my Kelly and the Angel on-line store. Even though there are few items listed, it seems, people want them, and I am very blessed to be shipping out products.

3. Dance, Soccer, school, all ending at the same time keeps me chauffeuring constantly.

4. I have been retained by several new clients to help de-clutter their homes and two new clients for simple web design.

5. We have two new kittens in the home, and even though we have been attempting to find them a home, I am resigning myself to the fact that THIS actually may be the home for them.

Yet, sitting and contemplating my whirlwind, much loved life, I painfully realize that these are excuses. As I have stated in the past, I LOVE writing, and when you truly love something you should do it. I "preach" this to people all of the time in my work. So why haven't I written lately?

My answer became clear to me. As I was attempting to get myself re-motivated to write, I started reading some of the old blogs and cringed when I read my quit smoking blogs....(Yup, the mother of motivation has fallen off of the wagon.) I did not realize how much I have been beating myself up over this until today. There it was in print, my failure. This coming from the same person that states at least 10 times a week "FAILURE IS AN EVENT, NOT A PERSON" to anyone that will listen. I temporarily lost hope in myself, and subconsciously it has been eating me up. I have been making more than enough excuses, to hide my guilt of starting smoking again.

I have made it a commitment, a mission, if you will to convince people, that of all of the things to let go of in their lives, is to never let hope be one of them. Here I was feeling hopeless and addicted to a habit that will kill me if I do not stop. In looking up the definition of hope this is what I read:

The definition of hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. To hope is to wish for something with the expectation of the wish being fulfilled, a key condition in unrequited love. Hopefulness is somewhat different from optimism in that hope is an emotional state, whereas optimism is a conclusion reached through a deliberate thought pattern that leads to a positive attitude.

I have read many, many books of Dr. Wayne Dyer. His "new" one Excuses Begone! is fantastic and I encourage you all to read it!  Here is an except that impacted me today in my own struggle.

You can bring your desires to consciousness by disconnecting the power from your subconscious so that it can’t continue to run your life. Your subconscious (habitual) mind is accessible, so unearth the excuses buried deep within you. Become conscious!

Moving forward, my hope is renewed, my faith restored, and my blog is back.  Will I be a non-smoker? ABSOLUTELY  YES!   Failure is an event, not a person.

Peace, Love and HOPE to everyone!

Kelly